When we hear the phrase “controlling your emotions,” many of us feel a sense of resistance. We live in a culture that values authenticity and “speaking our truth.” There is a common fear that controlling our feelings means being fake, numbing our hearts, or suppressing the very things that make us human. However, there is a massive difference between hiding who you are and managing how you spend your energy. True wellbeing is rooted in this balance—learning to honor our internal experiences without letting them deplete our physical and mental vitality. Every time we experience an intense emotional outburst or spend hours trapped in a cycle of worry, we are spending a limited resource. Our emotions are not just abstract feelings; they are physiological events that require fuel.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez
Controlling emotions as a way to conserve energy and boost wellbeing (not suppress yourself)
The exhaustion of the unregulated mind is a very real physical state. If you find yourself feeling completely drained by mid-afternoon, even if you haven’t done much physical work, it might be because your “emotional battery” is leaking. Every time you allow a minor annoyance to turn into a major frustration, you are pulling energy away from your brain and body that could be used for creativity, focus, or joy. Sites like liven.com emphasize that mental well-being is often about learning how to stop these energy leaks. Emotional regulation isn’t about ignoring your feelings; it is about deciding which “fires” in your life are actually worth your limited daily energy.
Photo by Lesly Juarez
Regulation vs. Suppression: A Vital Distinction
To master your energy, you must understand the difference between suppression and regulation. Suppression is the act of “bottling things up.” It is when you feel angry or sad but push it down and pretend it isn’t there. This is actually incredibly expensive for the body. Research shows that suppressing emotions increases your heart rate and keeps your stress levels high, often leading to an eventual “explosion” when you can no longer hold the pressure. Suppression is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater; it takes constant effort and eventually, it will pop back up with more force than before.
Regulation, on the other hand, is the power to modify the trajectory of an emotion. It starts with acknowledging the feeling: “I feel frustrated right now.” Once you acknowledge it, you can choose how much power to give it. You aren’t stopping the feeling, but you are taking your hands off the steering wheel of the reaction. This is the “middle path.” You allow the emotion to exist in the backseat of the car, but you don’t let it drive. This saves an immense amount of energy because you aren’t fighting the emotion, nor are you letting it run wild.
The Biological Budget of a Feeling
Every emotion has a metabolic cost. When you get angry or anxious, your brain triggers the release of glucose and oxygen to prepare your muscles for action. This is part of the “Autonomic Seesaw.” On one side is the Sympathetic nervous system, which is your “stress” mode. On the other is the Parasympathetic nervous system, which is your “recovery” mode. Staying in stress mode for too long is like redlining a car engine; it burns fuel at a rapid rate and causes wear and tear on the system.
There is also something called the “Refractory Period.” This is the cooling-off time your body needs to return to a baseline state after an emotional spike. During this window, your brain is actually less capable of logical thought because it is still biased toward the emotion you just felt. By practicing regulation, you shorten this refractory period. You return to your “biological budget” faster, ensuring that you don’t spend the next three hours feeling shaky or tired just because of a five-minute argument.
Practical Tools for Energy Conservation and Wellbeing
The most effective way to conserve energy is to change how you see a situation before the stress response even begins. This is called “Cognitive Reappraisal.” For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you could see it as a personal insult (which triggers anger and wastes energy) or as someone who is simply having a bad day and isn’t paying attention. The second choice costs you nothing. It allows you to stay in your “recovery” mode while the first choice drains your battery.
Another strategy to boost your emotional wellbeing is the “Wait and See” approach. Many of our strongest emotions are like clouds—they look massive and dark, but they pass quickly if we don’t grab onto them. By giving yourself a ten-minute “filter” before reacting, you often find that the emotion has lost its steam. Finally, practice selective engagement. You do not have to attend every argument you are invited to. Choosing to step away from high-conflict social media threads or toxic conversations isn’t “weakness”; it is a strategic choice to protect your battery for the people and projects that actually matter to you.
Photo by Emma Simpson
Living with Intentionality
When you view emotional control as energy management, you become a more sustainable version of yourself. You start to make better decisions because you aren’t constantly operating from a place of depletion. We often think that being “authentic” means reacting to every impulse we have, but the truth is that the most authentic version of you is the one that is calm, centered, and not currently overwhelmed by stress. Practicing self-care and intentionality every day creates a compounding effect on your well-being.
By mastering the internal flow of your feelings, you ensure that you have enough strength left at the end of the day for the things that truly bring you fulfillment. Before you react today, ask yourself: “Is this situation worth 20% of my energy?” More often than not, the answer is no. Choosing peace over reaction isn’t just a mental habit; it is the smartest way to live a high-quality, high-energy life.
